Simple Rules For Navigating Through Your Journey

I received a phone call last night from a woman I don't know. 

She got my name from the woman who taught me laws of Taharat Hamishpacha (laws of family purity) before I got married. I had called my "kallah teacher" many times when I needed to know when to go to mikveh in this process, and since this was all new to her, we were learning together. 

I was very open with my teacher about my struggles, so when other women came to her with scientific questions, not halachic, she would call me. I would ask her initial questions about the woman, many questions she would not know the answers to, so we decided to just pass my number along to any woman going through this.

After chatting with this woman last night, I realized there are a few simple rules I want people to know in order to make their time count. Time is such a precious commodity in the land of infertility since we are dealing with our biological clocks, and losing patience of having to wait... and wait... and wait...

So, here goes:

Rules of Navigating YOUR Journey:

1. YOU are your best advocate
• No one wants whats best for you more than you do - so YOU must fight for YOU.
• If you want to be more aggressive in your treatment, ASK FOR IT
• Whats the worst they can say? No? And if that's the answer, your response is "WHY?"
• It's your money - you are the customer, and the customer is ALWAYS right
2. Trust your gut:
• If you find a doctor who doesn't give you an answer you like, go for a second opinion. You have to be happy with your doctor and trust in them, so find one you like.
• If you don't like the nurse assigned to your case, ask for a change - she will be the person you speak to most often and you need her to be your partner in this process.
3. TALK TO PEOPLE (most daunting but most important) 
• It doesn't have to be face to face, but there are support groups, online forums, blogs and even people like me who are open to hearing your story. Many have gone through similar situations of trial and error and can arm you with great questions and protocols to ask about so that you don't have to waste time, and your doctor will know you are educated. 
• Everyone's experience is different, but people may have similarities and can help you with suggestions or just give you hope.
• A support system is most important - besides your husband/partner, sometimes having someone outside of you two is a wonderful outlet to have as a sounding board and can be very therapeutic.

Be strong, don't lose faith... persevere. 

Frum and Infertility

An introduction:

I decided to write a blog about being frum and dealing with infertility because too many women who are praying for children go through this road alone, ashamed and silent. This sisterhood of women has been silent for too long. I personally have been very open with my own journey, but I remember the shame and embarrassment I kept inside when I began this journey 5 years ago.

Besides struggling with infertility, there is an added pressure or sense of failure when you are going through this in the realm of being an orthodox couple dreaming of the longed for "Jewish family." Every shabbos meal you go to, every pregnant person you see, you wonder - when will it be my turn? The peering eyes, and whispers behind your back "They have been married for how long and have no kids? I wonder why?"

I totally understand where you are coming from, and I hope that this blog will bring my readers some hope, chizzuk and (if needed) an education on fertility issues. This is my personal story and my travels through success and (many) failures. 

I am not a doctor, just a woman who dreamed to be called "mommy" and I'm here as your sister and sounding board so that you don't have to travel this road alone...